You know how when you’re a kid you dream about what your life will look like when you’re older?
Or when you graduate and you see all the possibilities ahead?
Isn’t it wild how, even if you plan and wait for the things you want, it’s always a little bit crazy, even surreal, when that thing actually happens.
Cue: me 30 days ago. I was in love with this guy and knew I wanted to live my life with him, so much so that I was impatient. Yea, we’d only been going out for like 8 months or something but I knew we both wanted a future together and I was eager to have that certainty.
In fact, it was on my mind the night he asked me. It was his birthday and I was busy telling myself all night long that he wasn’t going to ask me.
“Look, Anna, if you spend your time wishing for something to happen you’re going to miss out on everything good that is happening. Just let it go and enjoy where you are right now.”
At least I’ve gotten better at identifying when something is taking away from the present moment.
So you get the idea, I was fully prepared to be proposed to and to move forward with this part of my life. Yet for some reason I was in complete denial that it would actually happen.
I didn’t believe it when he left the room and reappeared with dozens of roses.
Or when he made a speech in front of our families of what I meant to him.
Or when he looked me in the eye and said he wanted me for the rest of his life.
Or when he got on one knee and opened up the ring box upside down.
Or even when I started laughing out of disbelief and said “yea” (true story).
And then I was looking down at my hand that suddenly had this (huge, gorgeous) ring on it and nothing made sense AT ALL. What, me married? No, this stuff doesn’t happen to me, right? I was completely unprepared for something that literally hours before I had wished so hard for.
Let me back up a little bit, give some context...
I was always the girl who was waiting for the right guy, it was like a trademark of mine. I had been single up until 8 months ago because I wasn’t going to commit to anyone that I didn’t see a real future with. I wasn’t moping around or anything, I enjoyed my life. And I wasn’t willing to change it for just any guy.
I was the strong, smart, classy woman I wanted to be, and I knew (in theory) that at some point the right guy would come along. That’s who I was for a long time, and I started to define myself by it.
Even though I was content with my life, last year I started to ache a little bit. I missed the partner that I hadn’t met yet, and wondered yet again if it would ever really happen? A year ago I didn’t even know Josh existed.
So you can imagine my shock when the random guy who brought flowers to my concert that one time turned out to be the most incredible man in the world (no exaggeration). And what’s more, he liked ME too?
I became so used to waiting that it was hard to accept the blessing when it came.
Well, 30 days ago that man asked me to be his wife. WIFE?! I’ve never been one of those before. The thing I longed for, the man I prayed for, is actually in front of me and my heart can barely contain it.
It’s been a whirlwind ever since. I wasn’t that person who planned their wedding years in advance, so I’ve been figuring it out. It’s weird, this time I’m the one with the big day?
I feel like Monica. “MY DAY IS FINALLY HERE!”
Anyway, I’ve just been reflecting on the past year. I definitely could not have pictured this, my life looks so different from what I thought it would 5 years, 3 years, even one year ago. Things can change so quickly, and I know this next year will bring even more, so I’m doing my very best to soak up all of this right now, to try and receive all of this goodness.
I don’t think I have ever been this happy in my whole life, and it’s just getting started...